ugh...age

There was a time I spent my Birthdays out, and drunk, no matter when they fell during the week. Now, alas, 49 minutes to go and where am I? Showered, in bed, with anti aging serum on my face, blogging.............Fine, there is a cat in here too. My how things change.

But with age, comes wisdom. In my 29 years I have come to recognize things in myself that I am pretty sure are not changing, no matter the year. Here are a few:

I like boys who open doors for me. While I can be a little less than ladylike and a little more than rough around the edges at times, I appreciate men who show me chivalry is indeed alive and kicking, even if difficult to find.

I hate bleu cheese. I like cheese of all other variety. But the Bleus are my southern republican white trash Christians of cheese. I really don't like them.

I really don't like southern republican white trash christians. I'm not even sorry. I welcome all other race and orientation. I even welcome a different political view. But there are some people who fit a certain bill for me and I simply don't care for it. Blanket judgement? Sure. But this is my blog. Suck it.

I only like Haribro gummy bears. And at that- the original bears of Haribro. No other gummy will do.

I think there is some truth to almost ever conspiracy theory. Marilyn Monroe, JFK, Princess Di, I buy at least 33% of the theoretical circumstances.

Friendships are relationships too. You still have to make sure you are not being an asshole just because you don't bone your friends.

Relationships should be friendships with boning. But still...don't be an asshole.

Cookie dough is better than cookies. No...seriously.

Good steak is meant to be rare of medium. If I ever open a high quality steak house and people ask for well done, I will not serve them the good stuff and instead keep horse meat in the back.

Jesus was a pothead. I'm telling you, the man was a down guy, and I am pretty sure he would not have rolled with the people who are so into him now. He would have rolled with me and my friends, had some drinks, and told us about how the purity festival was lame.

bi WINNING

Charlie Sheen is creating inspiration. Let’s face it. The one liners are worth millions in tee shirt sales alone. I will include some of my “Bi Winners” later in the post. In the meantime, I’d like to discuss other starlets and they also got a bad rep by going banana sandwiches in front of a camera. (list provided by Boston.com)

Alec Baldwin's harsh voicemail to his 11-year-old daughter Ireland in which he calls her a "rude, thoughtless little pig" quickly circulated through the media. PLEASE- If I had a nickel every time I was called out on my bullshit when I was 11! And if I had submitted that shit to the media, I would have been a pig with an ass whooping besides. Princess had it coming- keep in mind what side your bread is buttered on, honey. Alec 1- daughter 0

Isaiah Washington used an antigay slur to refer to costar T.R. Knight in 2006, he upset castmates and forced Knight to go public with his homosexuality. At the Golden Globes, Washington grabbed the microphone to publicly deny his comment. The actor has since issued a public apology and attended anger management classes.- Gay. TR Knight was FORCED to come out? Gay. We all knew he was gay. Gays Anatomy. Here is the chance of a lifetime to man up and demonstrate a thick skin for your GLBT community- and instead you cry like a fairy. Isaiah did TR a favor- and then TR gave his community a terrible look. Isaiah 1- Knight 0

Foxy Brown gained a reputation for her explosive temper, beginning in 1997 when she spat on hotel workers in North Carolina for failing to provide her with an iron. Since then, she's skipped out on court dates, lashed out at manicurists, and thrown shampoo at a beauty salon employee. The rapper's troubles eventually landed her a year in jail.- Listen…when you taste just like Candy, and want to dance, you really need shit to go your way. Rock on Foxy…Rock on. Foxy 1- maids 0

Björk - In 1996, the singer let her temper take over when she attacked a British reporter in a Thailand airport who told her "Welcome to Bangkok." Björk later apologized to the reporter, who did not file any charges. Bangkok…only the funniest place in the world. Kudos to the reporter. But Bjork is no fool. She is an Icelandic singer. What did she sing? No idea. In fact the only way anyone was going to know who she is long term is if she wears a swan dress and cuts a reporter in an airport. Bjork 1- Bangkok 0

Charlie Sheen- This dude is KILLING it. Here he is taking his mental breakdown and not giving a FUCK! He is not really acting out and insulting anyone. He is really more self promoting- and I DIG that about him. His whole deal is “Hey, I’m Charlie Sheen, I take tin cans and make them gold. I have a briefcase full of blow and I’m not afraid to do it off a hookers ass on the Today show. I cured myself with my mind. I have the blood of a tiger. Blow me, America. Smooches”. Charlie 100- haters 0

Enjoy the soundboard:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/soundboards/play/81342498

don't play tag with the bus...

I used to have a 7th grade teacher who used to use the phrase "don't play tag with the bus". I hated her. So did my sister. So did my mom, in fact. She was unaware of her age and the fact that it, combined with her ever expanding ass, made most of what she wore inappropriate.

However, even assholes can provide the occasional bit of good advice- which I think this is. Thus, lets talk about this dude plowing over protesters on bikes in Brazil.

Now, I must admit, I have a bit of a road rage issue. I'm not angry to drive, I love driving. I have a great car and a fantastic musical selection. I get annoyed with idiots. People who lack the understanding of the zipper system for merging onto the highway (you go, I go, you go, I go). Drifters- also a peeve of mine. And while I used to get angry with joggers and cyclists and did not want to share the road- now that I am a jogging moron at night- nearly plowed overall the time, I have developed patience.

What gets me about this dude in the car is his statement after...

"I felt threatened by the cyclists."

....um....really guy? You are in a CAR. Surrounded by reinforced walls, with a motor and a bumper. What is the worst they could have been doing? Blowing Brazilian raspberries at you? Don't be a bad liar. People sympathize more with honesty.

"These people were really irritating me. Who protests on bikes? Like protests were not annoying enough...now they are doing it in spandex with helmets. What are we protesting anyways? We are Brazil. We have soccer, waxed vahoo-hoos and BBQ on a stick by a beach. Who is unhappy here? In short, I ran them down for my country." SOLD!