Monday, February 16, 2009

Blast from the past- my Vday blog from 2006

Tuesday, January 24, 2006
F-U Saint Valentine!Current mood: productiveCategory: Life

Well its that time of year again. You can tell. A mood sweeps across the nation right around this time . You find yourself wondering when hearts came back in style and why retail stores insist on draping everything in pepto- bismal pink. Then it occurs to you...It is Valentines Day season.

There it is, plain as day. So many shades or pink and red you swear you have gone colorblind, or at least that the rest of the world has because you know full well pink and red clash and should not ever be displayed together (note the blog color scheme). Shelves are stacked with candy that is 50% pure sugar and 50% monosodiumphenophenotalbicarbonate. And everywhere you go, a fat, naked, little winged creature is holding a bow and arrow...mocking you.

I am Anti-Valentines Day ( in case you didn’t gather from the subject of this blog). And to all you people who are pro Valentines day, well I say F-U TOO! And I am also all done with the people who say "Ohh But you are in a relationship this year, so you can't hate Valentines day!" Excuse me, but just because I am in a relationship on February 14th, 2006 does not mean that years of VDay TRAUMA are magically erased from my brain! It is people like you- you sick lovey dovey bastards that make the world the terrible place it is today.

I am sure you were the ones, the people in the jewelry stores, and the dress shops, and buying outfits and making dinner reservations, getting roses and (gag me) carnations, going away for the weekend like this is some long awaited holiday that we should all respect and cherish!
Well I was doing a little bit of different shopping whilst you were choking down a candy heart (that NOBODY really likes by the way) I was with the rest of the singles for years, being shady while we purchased things like rope, tarp, lye, cyanide, razorblades, Jack Daniels, shovels, duck tape, fishing twine, valium, and poison Ivy. You didn't know what we were doing with the goods. And you didn't ask either...The foreboding, distant look in our eye was enough to send you screaming back to your 88 pound boy-toy, who was currently at the wal-mart counter buying you an ugly teddy bear and a cubic zirconia bracelet. You lucky lady.

Bitter? Yes. It all started on Valentines day 2000 when we had to put my beloved childhood cat Oreo to sleep. Follow that up with YEARS of unrequited love, not to mention the very bad ruby incident of 2002. After that it was Februarys filled with darkness and evil, being haunted by the seemingly happy blissful couples, sent by Satan to remind you that you are alone, rejected, and miserable.

My response? FUCK Valentines Day. Not just when you are single. But FOREVER. Do not let couples, marrieds, or Hallmark dictate your happiness! Screw Cupid, Screw Saint Valentine, and screw all of the VDay celebrators! It is the pussified American public that continues this mockery of a day, and I am doing my part to put a stop to it!

Thank you for your time!