#prayforboston

I woke up this morning pissy that I wasn't going to be attending the Boston Marathon.  This would be the first time since I was 22 that I would not go into the city.  I whined at GM about it (who decided to work from home as well) and then grudgingly got on a conference call.  Around 11AM, I watched the winners cross the finish line, cried (sporting event winners make me misty), and then turned to him and said we HAD to make sure we took the day next year to go.

See, Marathon Monday in Boston is one of my favorite days of the year.  Non-MA people find this odd, since I don't run marathons. But Marathon Monday is a delightful mix of athletes and spectators, people doing something amazing and people happy to witness that.  The air vibrates in Boston on this day.  Roof decks and patios are open and we gather as amazing runners, spectators, drinkers, and cheerleaders...supporting friends and perfect strangers alike. 

Today, On April 15th, 2013, the first Marathon Monday I did not attend in 8 years, someone bombed the finish line.  But that's is not what this post is about.  It is not about who did this or what I would like to do to them.  It is not about the horrific scenes Bostonians had to witness today, or the fear that terror inspires.  We can talk about that for years to come. 

This is about the good that the Boston Marathon brings.  I want to record how I feel about it so that I don't lose it. 

My first marathon was actually before I was of drinking age.  A few friends from high school and I went to see Will Ferrell running.  Little did we know, that was impossible.  But as we stood there watching these amazing athletes, running more than I drive in a week, I was beside myself in awe.  These were regular people doing something just so NOT regular.  And for the day, they take off their  heels, ties, and uniforms and they become super heroes. 

The next time I went, we happened to be at mile 26.1 in time to watch the winners cross.  I saw a woman (Kenyan, of course) running so fast, it looked subhuman.  She was running- no- she was gliding, with a huge smile on her face, like she could do another 26 and would not be tired.  I watched the first 5 women cross, and I just got all weepy, so proud of these perfect strangers for accomplishing something so magnificent. 

After that day, LG and I made this a bit of a tradition.  One year I went in to support a friend from college.  We tracked his miles and found him on heartbreak hill, and ran along side him, screaming cheers of support to get him over what can only feel like a mountain at that stage of the race.  The year I started dating GM, we went to the marathon and drank up and down Boylston.  It was the first day I had met most of his co-workers.  Last year we ended up on a roof deck by Fenway with dozens of mutual friends from all areas of life, just hanging out, loving life and loving the city.  This was an event that has been crime free, tragedy free, and just a celebration of sport and achievement. 

It is difficult, knowing  what it is like to stand on the sidewalk, in awe of the competitors, not to feel violated by the thought that someone could blow them up.  That it could have been anyone.  That a child watching this, and maybe feeling the same level of amazement I did the first time I saw the finishers, would have had their lives forever altered, or ended, in that same moment.

Its difficult to find any sliver lining, and maybe too soon to look.  But I am adamant that this day will be a day again where you are proud of your fellow man, even if you don't know them.  Where you can revel in the achievement of humans, and friends, and life.  That is the feeling terrorism tries to take from us.  My heart breaks for the city of Boston today.  But maybe we will learn something from the runners today about never giving up. 

Delores Umbridge takes over Yahoo and makes it a bad place to work

In my head, Yahoo went by way of AOL years ago.  I’m impressed they still have a company at all, but they do, and they decided to make a really forward decision and select a female CEO….who apparently thinks entirely backwards. 

Marissa Mayer (no relation to John) decided this morning that Yahoo employees could no longer work from home.  They had to show up to the office…or quit.  Mayer’s decision to do this is apparently to attempt to revive Yahoo.  Good luck, lady.  You just made a decision that not only hurts your work force- it promotes inept management.

That’s right- this decision will do nothing but inspire more mediocre managers within Yahoo.  Good managers set goals and tasks that are clear and measurable for their teams.  Shitty managers don’t do this and then they need to see you in the office to track your every move to make sure you are working.  How do I know?  Experience- I’ve been there!

Ironically, I had previous employment at a remote access company (company A) who also did not let their employees work from home (another genius decision).  Since I was coming from a different collaboration company (company B) who encouraged this practice- it took some getting used to.  Seeing both sides of the coin here, I have to say- employees at company B were less burnt out, happier, more effective, and frankly- screwed off less.  Employees at Company A had way more bad days, got frustrated easily, took longer lunches, did more online shopping, and broke off into “rage meetings” more often (meetings with each other about how stupid something is, how stupid someone is, or their general and mutual thoughts of suicide).  Other findings were that management at company B was way better.  We had set goals, timelines and achievements.  At company A, we had that stuff on paper, but not in practice.  My manager was inexperienced, non-communicative, and, well….kind of a dick...But I digress. 

Bottom line- reporting to the office every to be seen at your desk is just foolish.  It makes employees feel like they are being babysat.  Grown people know what they have to organize and get accomplished.  If that means they occasionally have to put in a day from home because their life warrants it, let them.  Just make sure they are clear on the tasks they need to get done and measure those tasks.  It’s not about where you work- its what you produce for the organization that counts!

Now that my current job has me traveling all over God’s green earth, the ability to work from home gives me some sanity when I am back from those trips.  On days I do this my productivity is not less than when I am in the office.  In fact, I notice on days I work from home, I am actually logged on longer than I am from the office.  Other benefits include:

 

-          An easier commute (it’s exactly 34 steps between my bedroom and my home office)
-          An earlier start time (I get ready much faster by forgoing makeup and hair)
-          The ability to get in a run or attend a workout class (yeah, because we don’t want to die at our jobs, Marissa)
-          Better organization (folding laundry while on a conference call never hurt anyone- it’s not my fault I was born with the ability to multi-task)
-          Environmental benefits (my carbon footprint is no small thing, but I save on emissions by WFH)

Marissa Mayer’s next decree is to replace ball point pens with feather quills and touch tone phones with the old reliable rotary dial...What a yahoo... (see what I did there?)

 

Margaret Lyons hates women

I decided today I hate Margaret Lyons.  I don’t know or follow Margret Lyons, but I have a good feeling she is one of those people whose face always looks like she is eating a lemon and has an odd sense of entitlement nobody can put a finger on. Lyons blog response to Seth MacFarlane's hosting the Oscars is setting women back and frankly I feel we are owed an apology for her irresponsible writing.   (Her stupid blog is here: http://www.vulture.com/2013/02/why-seth-macfarlanes-misogyny-matters.html)

Having worked in male dominated companies for my entire career, I am not stranger to chauvinism, misogyny, male ego, or locker room banter.  As much of that I have experienced, I am lucky to have mostly worked with kind and intelligent men who are not threatened by strong women.  I really hate whiney women.  This post is not about Seth MacFarlane's Oscar hosting.  I feel as though if the producers had ever see anything Seth MacFarlane was remotely responsible for, they would have known the entire event would be filled with the juvenile, tasteless humor we come to love from the creator of Peter Griffin.  If they wanted it classy, hire someone classy.  If you wanted "Ted"….you got him. 

But then you get Margret Lyons writing her blog post about how misogynistic this was and how wrong that is.  What women need to understand is your whiny attitude about this kind of thing does more harm than good.  You are the bad female apple spoiling my vagina barrel (…that was graphic).  Why?  Because you lack basic coping skills and that does not make you the equal of men- it makes you weak.  And it puts a huge magnifying glass on the weaknesses of our sex- which makes me want to kick your ass in an alley until you toughen up.  Below are my responses, and 3 life rules for Margaret Lyons.

In response to the low -brow “we saw your boobs” song MacFarlane opened with, Lyons says “… after 30 or so years, this stuff doesn't feel like joking. It's dehumanizing and humiliating”.  Wow…Lady, you have a lot of issues wrapped up in your boobs.  This song was tasteless and childish, but I am not ashamed or humiliated as a woman that someone sang a song about boobs.  Go into any 5^th grade classroom and you will probably hear a similar ditty.  I feel bad for people who would only see me for my (amazing) breasts, but these are people I don’t need to acknowledge.  This is more offensive to grown men in the room than it was to women because most men over 14 years of age don’t think like that (fine, 22 years of age…27….whatever).   Rule #1: As a woman, you will always be objectified.  Find a way to use it to your advantage, and find a way to cope with it because these behaviors don’t go away by whining about them.  You take away their power by being stronger than the words.    

Apparently, according to Lyons, MacFarlane also over-complimented the most stunning women in Hollywood.  “Well, thank God, because what matters to all women is that we look good for Seth MacFarlane. How many women did he introduce over the course of the night by mentioning how they looked: "Please welcome the lovely ___ ," "the beautiful ______"? How many men?”

Prior to the Oscars was an extravagant red carpet show in which actresses talked about who they were wearing, how long it took them to get ready, and put their fingers in the “Mani-cam” so we could see nails and diamonds.  If I went through all of that- someone sure as shit better call me “the lovely”.  Rule #2: As a woman, it does fucking matter if you look good!  You don’t have to be the thinnest or the prettiest, but you better have your shit put together because otherwise people will talk.  And people talk about men too because it matters how you look on the outside if you want people to take you seriously.  It may not be fair, but it’s true- SO COPE. 

And then my favorite part- Margret’s dreams and wishes: “I dream of someday watching women win all the non-performance categories, of women making as many films as men do, of women and men being nominated for a comparable number of awards.”  Well then you know what Mags, get out of their way.  Women don’t get to do that stuff because they are women.  They get to do that stuff because they are GOOD enough to do it.  It’s not about the penis.  If you want to get the recognition, the award, the role, the pay, the anything- BE the best.  Rule #3: it’s not fair, get over it.  It is still a man’s world and the only way that equalizes is by being the undisputed BEST.  It’s getting the outfit, the makeup, the education, the experience- but more importantly the swagger- and after you have all of that and you are exhausted and want to be done- THEN you have to do the job twice as good.

It’s not easy, but you don’t get there by whining or pointing and tattling that the mean man made a boob joke.  Margret Lyons is impeding progress.  Learn to overcome the boob joke, develop a skin, stay focused- and then maybe women have a shot.   

Don't negotiate with terrorists

The past week has been a rather emotional one for us as a country.  The Newtown, CT school shooting has taken a toll on so many people.  These past 4 days, they continue to bury the victims and heroes.  I have trouble thinking about this time of year and so many people losing their kids.  Christmas trees up, presents bought and tucked away…maybe already wrapped.  And a country of victims- other children with their innocence lost- wondering why. 

The two lanes people are choosing to be in to combat tragedies like this are: Gun Control and Psychological Intervention.  I have thought about both sides.  But it gets me to thinking about Terrorism.   These attacks are some of the most brutal we have had and as the nation has come together, it has been reminiscent of 9/11- with one exception.  The terrorists who blew up planes and buildings were the axis of evil.  The man who shot up a school makes us question out psychological care system.  Why?

Now before everyone gets all up in arms, I agree our psychological healthcare is a damaged system and in need of attention and funding.  A huge step even before that, is to create an outlet where teachers and professionals who see a kid exhibiting “dangerous” emotional or physical behavior should have a place to escalate it properly.  However, there is a large outpouring of empathy around Adam Lanza.  Was it a breakdown of his parental unit?  Was it autism or some other form of it?  Was it misdiagnosed crazy- another victim of a broken healthcare system?  Did he have a grudge or a motive?  How did the shy kid become the murderer?  All good questions- but my head keeps coming back to the same conclusion.  Adam Lanza is a terrorist. 

The definition of terrorism is : the state of fear and submission produced by the use of violence or intimidation. 

I find it interesting how we change the face and emotional connection for a home grown terrorist vs. one who comes from the middle east.  As Americans, we spend almost no time trying to determine why terrorists from Islamic nations do what they do, or think how they think.  We don’t care what we did to motivate them, or how/if we may be responsible for action that made someone want to be a human bomb.  In fact, we lack empathy for entire middle eastern countries, tribes, and nationalities.  “Terrorism” is not held to the same standard across the world.  This was a wealthy white American kid who shot up a school.  That seems to be confusing a lot of people.  There is no group to associate him to.  He is one of us- our production, our responsibility.    

Here is my thought for today (and it may change by tomorrow as I process this).  Everyone wants everyone to be happy safe winners in society.  We don’t want kids to lose anymore.  We banned bullies and now kids who fight are held to the exact same consequence as kids who defend themselves.  We cookie cutter our kids in brain and personality because if everyone is the same its easier to manage.  We tie our youth in bubble wrap and as a result we have not taught them how to cope.  It is my desire that we will someday stop exacting a war on kids who are different or worse, kids who already battle for social acceptance and individualism.  I know deep down that  all people go into a natural pecking order, and good parents will teach their children how to win some and lose some- not lull them into a false sense of reality.

But I draw the line at kids who will do damage.  I don’t want to hear about how people who have dangerous children who threaten themselves and others have no help.  Dangerous people are not allowed to play with the rest of us.  If your behavior is disturbing and unsafe and will hurt others- you don’t get to be here.  We either need to counsel it out of them, medicate it out of them, or remove them from the situation.  The greater good cannot operate while we “find a place” for people who want to destroy it.  We keep kids away from outlets, and fire, and knives, and strangers- we need to also keep them away from people, even children, who have demonstrated a desire to harm them.  Because anyone using violence or threats to make others fearful of their environment must be treated the same was as we treat a terrorist threat.  They must be dealt with swiftly before they kill us.  That is the only guideline our youth needs to know. 

Being more pro-gun than your average liberal (I am actually mid process to get my license), I am torn.  However, I do agree that in the past 15 years and more through the 4 shootings in the past 5 years, I feel like this issue goes nowhere.  The gun lobby is strong.  And let’s face it…talking about these kinds of tragedies gets draining for the best of people so we eventually let it pass.  I’ve not wanted to let this one go so easily.  It feels different this time.  Maybe it’s the season.  Maybe it’s their age.  Or maybe nobody is really cut out to watch 20 tiny caskets leaving churches and synagogues. 

And so for their honor, for their memory- I am more than ever completely in favor of gun control; For the abolishment of assault rifles for civilians and for the extreme measures for any other weapon.  I live in a state where our gun license process is said to be extreme- and even I think it’s too easy.  Let it take months.  Let it take a psych test.  Let it take a home visit to assess the risk.  I don’t care.  We don’t need to exercise a right here anymore.  We need to recognize a wrong. 

20 babies.  6 teachers trying to save them.  I am, as ever, in awe of the people of Newtown CT, and other survivors and families of mass shooting victims for your ability to stand, remain, breath, and simply not implode on yourselves and give into the sheer torture and loss.  There are no words of comfort.  I just want them to know they give the rest of the nation hope by being so strong.  #PrayForNewtown

Wall Street smells like Patchouli

And now for something surprising.

I don't like Wall Street. I don't like the bailout. I don't like they way they all bitched this up and now they want the power back. It's like a teenager wrapping a car around a tree and asking to borrow the rental three days later. Slow your roll, morons. Capitalism is not and should not be synonymous with Greedy Motherf*ckers. I don't like Wall Street. But you know what I like less?

Those god damned protesters.

I know, I generally am all in favor of a protest. But these people are giving us Liberals a bad name. And frankly, if they are turning me off, they are in some trouble. I should be proverbaly blowing them...and still may. If they take my advice and change the following:

1) Get a cohesive missions statement and reason for occupation of major financial districts. Idiots, the point of "occupying" should not be because you have nothing better to do because you lack occupation. What are you doing there? What do you hope to gain? What is your end goal? If nobody knows the answer to these questions and you are not all answering them all the same...go home. Nobody ever accomplished shit in such a disorganized fashion.

2) If you are under the age of 25 and have never held a job or made a payment to a loan, please take your signage and get in before curfew. After gainfully employed and not living with mom and dad, you may wager an opinion on the matter quietly. Little young people who have never worked and were just doing keg stands last spring should not be speaking to wall street on anyones behalf.

3) Put your acoustic guitar down and cut your hair, you dreadlocked fucking hippie ass lunatic. In marketing we often talk about knowing your audience. Is the understanding that the suits on Wall Street are to take you and your shirts made of hemp seriously? I see you on the news, talking about 800 reasons you are there, singing "He's got the whole world in his hands" and picking bed bugs off each others baja ponchos. You are laughable and a waste of time. Clean it up!

4) Put your weed down and come up with a solution based conversation. Is it just me or are all of you having way too much FUN there? A little less pot and a little more thought into what your end goal is. This is why nobody is taking you seriously. You're not saying anything worth taking seriously. Even in the '60's they took care of the business of a protest first. Why? Because protest should result in desired change.

5) Get better slogans...and signage. C'mon kids. You're on TV. Get it together.

In closing, and in all seriousness, I don't disagree with what I *think* they are trying to do. I disagree with such a terrible approach. With no, dare I say, business tactics behind this- the idea will run out of steam and they will be remembered as a Saturday Night Live joke. They do the Left more harm than good because they are uneducated on the issues and want for different things- some noble, some just as selfish and greedy as the corporations they protest.

Anything worth doing is worth doing right.

Steve Jobs- iLegend

While the death of Steve Jobs saddens me- I have to say, sometimes when an artist dies young, you respect the work just a little more. As I said last night on Facebook, it is a true testament that I found out about his death- on my iPhone.

What I have found interesting over the last day or so, is not that people have been mourning his death- but more that he is not being so much hailed for his iphones and macbook airs. He is being quoted and remembered as a true innovator of life.

When it comes to a legacy, I think its far better to be remembered for how you lived and thought- than for a thing you invented or created.

Some quotes I liked today:

"This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."- Steve Jobs (Commencement Speech, 2005).

"You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life……The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." - SJobs

High Heels got you Down?

Spring has sprung, and so have the high heels, open toes, and strappy sandals for women and light loafered men everywhere. So- a quick post to clue in the clueless.

You should not rock the open toe stiletto if:

1. You are over 55 years and you look it. Honey, the glory days have gone bye bye. And I get it, it sucks. And I know looking at you, and your varicose veins and your sagging skin that lost all elasticity that someday, I will be in your boat. But do us all a favor, accept your age and place in life and slip on some Dr. Scholls and let us take it from here. Every spring has a winter.

2. You are in the ballpark of 300-350lbs. Have you ever seen way too much ice cream piled on top of a thin little sugar cone? Your first thought is always “damn, that shit is going to topple over”. …That might be enough said there.

3. Your toe-nails look like something you would find on a creature in Middle Earth. There is really no need for humans to have talons. Ladies, trim that shit. And keep in mind your pedicure is always at least 5 feet away- so slap some paint on those babies if you can’t make it in for a pedi. Having said that- make it in for a pedi! Everyone feels better after a soak and sluff and you are no different.

4. When you wear heels, you walk as though you just got slammed up the ass by a stallion stud horse. Yeah, there is no ladylike or delicate way to say this, because that is exactly what it looks like. It’s like this: shoulders back, move the hips, strike at the ball of the foot, and walk like you mean it. If you cannot do that, these are not the shoes for you. I can’t wear a size 2…you can’t wear a stiletto. Life sucks sometimes.

5. You failed to shave…for the better part of a month. People are looking. After they notice, they tell their friends. You know that feeling you get that everyone is talking about you? They are. Take a razor to your gorilla leg. And if you have to question it- wear pants.

6. You are at a sporting event, a picnic, an outing, or something else casual in which heels would be grossly inappropriate. Say it with me Carrie Bradshaw- Flip Flops. Nobody thinks you look cute here. People are either wondering what is wrong with you, or they are feeling bad for you. Women think you look dumb and kind of slutty. Men think you are dumb….and, well, kind of slutty. Essentially you look dumb and slutty. Now, if that is the look you are going for- by all means- forge ahead. If not, switch it on up.